Time to fess up!

I have been in a funk of sorts.

I have or feel like i have literally given up on myself.

You ever just feel like you need to get your shit together?

My time is now. 

Today marks the end of the 3 month long challenge I have been hosting.

I am so proud of those ladies. 

Hubby is glad for it to be over too since I have spent about $1000 total for it.

He is not one to spend money. That's my department. 

I just feel like these women deserve so much more!

They worked so hard!

While I fell off the wagon... HARD.

Pretty much knowingly since the wedding.

 

:(

 

I have gained 20 pounds back.

 

  I am ashamed & disappointed in myself.

I know what I want and what I have to do to get it so why am I not doing it?

Nov. 1st starts a new challenge this time I am a participant and not a host.

Cory and I will be getting back on track.

He has gained some too and he has to make tape in the Army or can be kicked out.

I need to believe I can do this again and stick with it.

There  are so many reasons behind why and very little as to why I should stay the same.

God please help me. 

Sorry for letting you all down.

Life Update!

We have had ridiculous amounts of spiders at home.

Here's what some of them look like!!!

I killed them by putting them in a mason jar with a rubbing alcohol cotton ball.

Cory is FINALLY home! YAY!

His first night/morning home, we opened out anniversary gifts and his birthday gift.

We both got Polar watches.

He got a new coffee mug with a snickers bar hidden inside.

He got a new game with a gift card for a new another new game inside.

and he got stuff for his car.

Tomorrow we have our massages and then were going to the state fair.

Sunday we are going to see some movies and have dinner at the Mashhouse Brewery & Chops.

:)

Howdy Y'all!

*Infertility Updates*

My pelvic ultrasound showed a 2cm cyst on my right ovary. 

(common with PCOS but at least there was no string of pearls)

However, the tech said I could also be ovulating or it could be a cyst.

My Pap Smear showed I have Bacterial Vaginosis. (BV)

He said it was due to my hormones changing so much and  my PH levels in my Vagina being off.

He prescribed me Flagly (antibiotic) for 7 days.

I am also going to start taking probiotics.

I had zero symptoms so I never knew.

I have started charting my temperatures and using ovulation predictor strips.

They are pretty neat! I "THINK" I'm ovulating today actually. 

I'll probably do a few head stands tonight. lol

Now its the waiting game until my next cycle. 

I will have to call to schedual my HSG test on day 1.

I have a Lab (blood) test on day 3. 

So that's it for now!!! 

:)

Today I had my ultrasound appointment. The tech said I had a tilted back and down uteris. Its pretty common and shouldn't affect my ability to conceive and carry a child. She was able to find and see both ovaries an they looked pretty typical. Aparently the last time i got this done 6 years ago they couldnt find my left ovary. She said that it sits pretty close to my uteris so it was prob just hiding. Not as many follicles as I use to have at the size I use to have. Except my right ovary had 1 big follicle (which she said could be considered a small cyst that they would prob watch) or that I was going to ovulate soon. Since she said that I think I'm going to start the test strips and charting my temps as well. Wish me luck y'all!

Today has been a great emotional and mental day for me. Do you ever have days like that, when things seem to be clearer then they have been? Like a fog has lifted maybe just a little bit more. Lately I have been avoiding church like the plague and coming up with every excuse in the book for not going. Today I sucked it up, got off my tush and went. During mass I felt like God was urging me to pay more attention. Then the priest started to talk about the anointing of the sick and how it’s not just an end of life rite. He said to call him when we became ill, had a surgery coming up, a disease, anything it’s his job and not just something for someone who is dying. I literally felt like a weight was lifted off of me hearing this. Then he said if we wanted to get anointed to stay after mass. I knew that instant I was staying. I needed it. My whole family ended up staying. It was so nice words can’t even describe. I prayed and asked to be healed and cured inside and out, mind, body, and soul. 

Yes, I look fine on the outside… but on the inside I struggle with more things than anyone will ever know. 

 I prayed for help dealing with my father’s death better then locking it away in a box till it explodes. 

 I prayed for help in communicating with my husband to help him understand what I deal with. 

I prayed for help in healing my husband and I from our pasts. 

I prayed for help in curing my addiction to food. 

 I prayed for help in curing my PCOS and healing all the effects it’s had on me. 

 I prayed to help my infertility issues (thanks to PCOS) and let my dreams come true. 

 I felt relief when I left and had a wonderful lunch with my family. 

Did you know that when you’re anointed it’s like going to confession and getting absolved from your sins? It made me feel better too. Like a fresh start. 

 I feel like starting this trying to conceive journey with my husband is going to be long and fruitful. I want to start it out the best ways possible. I am worried. I am scared. I have to start thinking BIG picture instead of the hard stuff we will have to go through to get there. It’s also exciting. To know the end result with be our dreams coming true because I am not giving up until it’s a reality. 

Out with the negative and in with the Positive. I am working on this. 

 I am starting things right this time. I am starting with adopting the most positive attitudes at all times. With putting out into the world what I want to get out of it. I have a massage with a Reiki session this coming weekend to help relax me, I am going to start taking pre-natal vitamins, I have 100 ovulation predictor sticks, and a Basel temp thermometer to help chart, I am eating good for me food, and exercising, I am living my life for my unconceived child. 

 Tomorrow starts the abundance of doctor appointments. Wish me luck. 

Today was my first doctor appointment here at Fort Bragg.

WOW. I am impressed... and LUCKY.

Come to find out I got stuck with the head honcho! 

surprisingly he was extremely nice and smart.

He made me feel confident in his ability to help me.

Creepy thing is he has the same name as the doctor I had in Hawaii!!! haha

Got a bunch of blood drawn today. Come back on the 15th for physical, pap smear, and pelvic exam.

Tomorrow I have to call into radiology to set up my appointment for a ultra sound and HSG test.

When ever my body decides it wants to have another cycle I need to go for another lab on day 3.
However if it doesn't come in 30 days, I am suppose to call them.

Basically its all the preliminary testing to see where I am at now. 

Then he can send a referral in for me to see the infertility specialist at Womack. 

(who he has said nothing but great things about)

I have mixed feelings. I am frustrated that I am back at square one. 

However, I am so much more hopeful this go around.

I am nervous and curious to see all my lab results and what they mean.

I will keep everyone on the up n up as we go along. 

ready... set... go... round 2 trying to conceive!

Now for some pictures :)

Happy Michelle :P

for my hubby :D

Stark ( 1yr old pit)

Re-Re (6yr old chi/ter mix)

JJ (6yr old chi/ter mix)

dressed up for my cousins birthday!