Recap from my first REI appointment.

First off I doubt Womack will ever stick to an apt time. 

I was finally seen an hour past my appointment time and was 20 mins early.

She got my history asked a million questions. Which I expected.

Cory and I need to both get some labs done. (which he happen to go in and do today)

He also needs to do a semen analysis test. (which he will do tomorrow)

Then I still need to do a HSG test since its been so long since my last one.

HSG test is a test where they run contrast dye through my ovaries, Fallopian tubes, uterus, and vagina to check for blockages. 

What fun! NOT! That junk hurt so bad last time.

In January if I haven't had a menstrual cycle, I am to call in so she can start me on some provera. 

Provera is an oral medication that induces your menstrual cycle. 

Then I give radiology a ring on day 1 of my cycle to make the HSG apt for days 7-12 of my cycle.

It's been said that sometimes your odds of conceiving are improved after the test for up to a year.

I don't know how true that is though.

after I complete the HSG test and other labs and Cory completes his part I am to call back.

She said that appointment is when we will make a plan and start with clomid.

She put me back on metiformn and I have to build myself up to 2000mg.

metiformn use to make me really sick so I am not looking forward to that again.

However my moto is... I'm doing this for a baby, for my dreams to come true.

Honestly, no matter how much things hurt or complicated things get, I'll always try.

I picked up my script today.

It makes me nervous.

So, I guess I will start tmw.

Can someone remind me of what it is that makes you more sick while taking this medication?

sugar, bread? 

I am suppose to have half days for work tmw and friday so I'll go do my other labs tmw.

Friday I get to go spend it with my little sister after work! I am excited lol 

It will also be nice to not be alone on the 2 year anniversary of my fathers death. 

I am so ready to start my vacation!!!!

PAY IT FORWARD MOVEMENT

Family #1

Hey my name is Randy here is my story I'm sure you have gotten a pile of them by now. April the 14th I tore the tendons in my left foot and broke the cartilage in my ankle I work as a captain at a fire dept and have been out of work since I had a nerve conduction test done last Wednesday and actually got the results today I have severe nerve damage in my foot and will have to more and likely resighn at work depending on my next Dr appt my sick leave and vac time are gone and also had 13 weeks of short term disibility is also gone my wife is trying her best to keep us afloat and I have been repairing tractors and mowers at home to make what I can but still behind on everything my wife and I have 5 children Crystal 20 Charity 19 John 15 Cathy 16 and Layla 15 months. thanks for your time .

(picture to come soon)

Family #2

I'm a mother of 4 battling renal cell carcinoma, adrenal insufficiency, hypo thyroidism.  I no longer can work.  My husband is on SSI for degenerative disk disease, they only pay him 619.00 mo.  I have no insurance, have applied to Medicaid and disability, but have been turned down several times.  
My uncle was living with us to help with housing expense, but he became terminally ill and left to go home to die in New Hampshire.  We are now behind on our rent and our landlord told us today is the deadline.  I have posted several pleas for help, but no one was able to assist, however I am grateful for all the prayers and information people have sent.  Stress is one of the biggest causes of my medical status.  I buy my meds in small quantities, because I'm unable to pay them at one time.  I am a self pay to my doctor or she doesn't see me.    My younger daughters try to help by making loom bracelets and selling them.  We know we may have a Christmas without gifts this year, but at least we would like to stay in our home which is dedicated to God.  We know that the true meaning of Christmas is the love of God.  I once was the seed shower and I still try with whatever I can, but now I'm on the opposite side of the fence.   Looking for our Christmas miracle.  I'm sending from my cellular I don't have internet in our home, so if the photos don't post I'm sorry.  There is more to our story, but it is too long to write.

  

Family #3

We are a family of four and my husband hours have been cut . Also I haven't been able to work since I'm currently in school and still cant find a job. It would be a god send to get help with rent versus presents because a roof over our heads is better than materialistic things. These pics were taken at a cousins wedding. If you need any info please don't hesitate to email.

(oped out pictures for privacy reasons)

Family #4

On Dec. 15th my family and I have to vacate a house that we have called "home" since 2007.

I did not bother putting up a Christmas tree, since we would be moving and the children do not
understand. I was laid off from my job of 3 years due to economic factors and unemployment is a fraction of my normal paycheck. Our only means of transportation ended up in the scrap yard, as it was more expensive to repair the transmission, than what I paid for the car, besides we needed the money for food. I am asking that if you have been at the bottom looking up, are a member of the working poor or if you have been blessed beyond measure and can help, please consider helping my family. I am trying to raise enough money to secure a rental for my family and a used car for transportation as well. If anyone needs proof that this is a legitimate request, I have copies of the Chap. 7 Bankruptcy and the order to vacate the property through the local court. I am praying that God will bless this request and touch those that read it.


http://www.gofundme.com/Help-The-Lambert-Family

Thank You For Reading.

If you would like to help any of these families in any way shape or form please email me at besaw2003@yahoo.com

Anything helps!

 So...

I have basically thrown 2 years of hard work down the drain.

I regained most of the weight I lost.

essentially I gave up on myself due to many factors in my life.

What now?

Do I continue to spiral down ward?

or

fight again... and keep on fighting? 

How could I have let this happen?

I am disappointed and ashamed.

DISGUSTED in myself.

I fell right back into old habits.

I'm not sure if I'm ready to feel better.

Sometimes I don't even feel like I deserve to be a success story.

Is that why I sabotage myself when I get so close?

I have to start back over.

I have to begin all over again.

it's so hard.

I know it's worth it though, because I miss how great I felt.

I want to feel that way again.

I know what I need to do...

why is it so hard to do? 

Today is awesome sauce!

I have been trying to see a fertility specialist since August.

I had to jump through hoops and do a bunch of stuff just to get to this point.

I have my first appointment next week!

It upsets me that is was so easy in Hawaii to get things done. 

It's taken at least 3 months just to get to make the appointment.

wish me tons of luck!

I am ready to start actually doing something!!!

I have fallen off the grid.

 

I have been having bad dreams almost every night.

 

I feel gloomy.

 

My weight loss is really weight gain.

 

I am stressed out and feel like my life is kind of of spiraling out of control.

 

The thing is... nothing has changed really besides my habits.

 

I have been calling and calling leaving messages to try and get my specialty appointment for the infertility and no one returns my call. What am I suppose to do?

 

I am afraid for my well paying job because the husband is suppose to retire "soon" but they haven't said when and if they were or weren't going to need me.

 

All I can do is start to save money until the let me go.

Although Cory and I talked about quitting if I became pregnant right before the child would be born.

 

I am worried about his re-enlistment in the Army. What his job will be and if we will be moved and where... the moving will be very stressful on me but I refuse to be without my husband if I can be.

 

I am a military brat, I grew up military and have always had my foot in the door. I know what everything entails. its nothing new for me. However I own a house now and that's a whole new ball game for me to deal with.

 

I am almost back at the weight I was 2 years ago it makes me sad and I just keep doing worse and worse. I keep choosing to be fat over being the confident healthy person I want to be.

The person I was when I married my husband in June.

 

I feel over whelmed.

 

I need to snap out of this bullshit.

 

I need to feel better.

 

I need to be better.

 

I need help.

 

I will get better.

 

Never give up.

 



I have been slacking big time.

I am not being the person I want to be or even thinking like the person I strive for these days.

Lets be honest. Since the wedding in June I have been depressed and packed on 30 pounds.

It was so nice having everyone together at once and I miss it.

I am having trouble bouncing back.

I derailed during that time.

I ate any and everything with no holds bard.

Totally derailing myself from my life change.

I keep telling myself its OK, I'm OK, and I'm not.  

I am ashamed, disappointed and disgusted in myself.

I have GOT to change things around.

1. for myself.

2. for my family

3. for my unconceived child

4. for the self esteem

5. for the energy

6. for the progress

7. to be healed inside out

The holidays are here and this will be the hardest time for me. 

I have faith I can make these changes, I have before, I can again.

I will never give up on myself.

Do better. Expect Better.

Time to fess up!

I have been in a funk of sorts.

I have or feel like i have literally given up on myself.

You ever just feel like you need to get your shit together?

My time is now. 

Today marks the end of the 3 month long challenge I have been hosting.

I am so proud of those ladies. 

Hubby is glad for it to be over too since I have spent about $1000 total for it.

He is not one to spend money. That's my department. 

I just feel like these women deserve so much more!

They worked so hard!

While I fell off the wagon... HARD.

Pretty much knowingly since the wedding.

 

:(

 

I have gained 20 pounds back.

 

  I am ashamed & disappointed in myself.

I know what I want and what I have to do to get it so why am I not doing it?

Nov. 1st starts a new challenge this time I am a participant and not a host.

Cory and I will be getting back on track.

He has gained some too and he has to make tape in the Army or can be kicked out.

I need to believe I can do this again and stick with it.

There  are so many reasons behind why and very little as to why I should stay the same.

God please help me. 

Sorry for letting you all down.

Life Update!

We have had ridiculous amounts of spiders at home.

Here's what some of them look like!!!

I killed them by putting them in a mason jar with a rubbing alcohol cotton ball.

Cory is FINALLY home! YAY!

His first night/morning home, we opened out anniversary gifts and his birthday gift.

We both got Polar watches.

He got a new coffee mug with a snickers bar hidden inside.

He got a new game with a gift card for a new another new game inside.

and he got stuff for his car.

Tomorrow we have our massages and then were going to the state fair.

Sunday we are going to see some movies and have dinner at the Mashhouse Brewery & Chops.

:)

Howdy Y'all!

*Infertility Updates*

My pelvic ultrasound showed a 2cm cyst on my right ovary. 

(common with PCOS but at least there was no string of pearls)

However, the tech said I could also be ovulating or it could be a cyst.

My Pap Smear showed I have Bacterial Vaginosis. (BV)

He said it was due to my hormones changing so much and  my PH levels in my Vagina being off.

He prescribed me Flagly (antibiotic) for 7 days.

I am also going to start taking probiotics.

I had zero symptoms so I never knew.

I have started charting my temperatures and using ovulation predictor strips.

They are pretty neat! I "THINK" I'm ovulating today actually. 

I'll probably do a few head stands tonight. lol

Now its the waiting game until my next cycle. 

I will have to call to schedual my HSG test on day 1.

I have a Lab (blood) test on day 3. 

So that's it for now!!! 

:)

Today I had my ultrasound appointment. The tech said I had a tilted back and down uteris. Its pretty common and shouldn't affect my ability to conceive and carry a child. She was able to find and see both ovaries an they looked pretty typical. Aparently the last time i got this done 6 years ago they couldnt find my left ovary. She said that it sits pretty close to my uteris so it was prob just hiding. Not as many follicles as I use to have at the size I use to have. Except my right ovary had 1 big follicle (which she said could be considered a small cyst that they would prob watch) or that I was going to ovulate soon. Since she said that I think I'm going to start the test strips and charting my temps as well. Wish me luck y'all!

Today has been a great emotional and mental day for me. Do you ever have days like that, when things seem to be clearer then they have been? Like a fog has lifted maybe just a little bit more. Lately I have been avoiding church like the plague and coming up with every excuse in the book for not going. Today I sucked it up, got off my tush and went. During mass I felt like God was urging me to pay more attention. Then the priest started to talk about the anointing of the sick and how it’s not just an end of life rite. He said to call him when we became ill, had a surgery coming up, a disease, anything it’s his job and not just something for someone who is dying. I literally felt like a weight was lifted off of me hearing this. Then he said if we wanted to get anointed to stay after mass. I knew that instant I was staying. I needed it. My whole family ended up staying. It was so nice words can’t even describe. I prayed and asked to be healed and cured inside and out, mind, body, and soul. 

Yes, I look fine on the outside… but on the inside I struggle with more things than anyone will ever know. 

 I prayed for help dealing with my father’s death better then locking it away in a box till it explodes. 

 I prayed for help in communicating with my husband to help him understand what I deal with. 

I prayed for help in healing my husband and I from our pasts. 

I prayed for help in curing my addiction to food. 

 I prayed for help in curing my PCOS and healing all the effects it’s had on me. 

 I prayed to help my infertility issues (thanks to PCOS) and let my dreams come true. 

 I felt relief when I left and had a wonderful lunch with my family. 

Did you know that when you’re anointed it’s like going to confession and getting absolved from your sins? It made me feel better too. Like a fresh start. 

 I feel like starting this trying to conceive journey with my husband is going to be long and fruitful. I want to start it out the best ways possible. I am worried. I am scared. I have to start thinking BIG picture instead of the hard stuff we will have to go through to get there. It’s also exciting. To know the end result with be our dreams coming true because I am not giving up until it’s a reality. 

Out with the negative and in with the Positive. I am working on this. 

 I am starting things right this time. I am starting with adopting the most positive attitudes at all times. With putting out into the world what I want to get out of it. I have a massage with a Reiki session this coming weekend to help relax me, I am going to start taking pre-natal vitamins, I have 100 ovulation predictor sticks, and a Basel temp thermometer to help chart, I am eating good for me food, and exercising, I am living my life for my unconceived child. 

 Tomorrow starts the abundance of doctor appointments. Wish me luck. 

Today was my first doctor appointment here at Fort Bragg.

WOW. I am impressed... and LUCKY.

Come to find out I got stuck with the head honcho! 

surprisingly he was extremely nice and smart.

He made me feel confident in his ability to help me.

Creepy thing is he has the same name as the doctor I had in Hawaii!!! haha

Got a bunch of blood drawn today. Come back on the 15th for physical, pap smear, and pelvic exam.

Tomorrow I have to call into radiology to set up my appointment for a ultra sound and HSG test.

When ever my body decides it wants to have another cycle I need to go for another lab on day 3.
However if it doesn't come in 30 days, I am suppose to call them.

Basically its all the preliminary testing to see where I am at now. 

Then he can send a referral in for me to see the infertility specialist at Womack. 

(who he has said nothing but great things about)

I have mixed feelings. I am frustrated that I am back at square one. 

However, I am so much more hopeful this go around.

I am nervous and curious to see all my lab results and what they mean.

I will keep everyone on the up n up as we go along. 

ready... set... go... round 2 trying to conceive!

Now for some pictures :)

Happy Michelle :P

for my hubby :D

Stark ( 1yr old pit)

Re-Re (6yr old chi/ter mix)

JJ (6yr old chi/ter mix)

dressed up for my cousins birthday!

I am pleased to announce that I will be running my first legit 5K!!!

Run, Walk, & Roll with Veterans

Sunday, November 10th @ 9am

851 Partners Way on Centennial Campus at NC State

Part of the proceeds go to Canine Angels. 

They save dogs from death row and rehabilitate/train them to be service dogs for veterans. 

I'll run for that!

I am also running for my Daddy.

My dad spent 22 years in the military.

He retired after 22 years with a medical discharge.

in 1991 he had a massive stroke shortly before my little sister was born.

He had to learn everything all over again.

His health was never that great after and he had many complications over the years.

He passed away in December of 2011.

I lost my best friend, the man who did everything for me.

I am still trying to heal.

I am running this for you daddy.

I am  also running this with and for my husband.

He has been in for 6 years now and plans to make this his career.

I am beyond proud of him.

 plus who doesn't love a man in uniform lol

The race is located at the university my little sister and her fiance go to. 

This race screamed for me to do it the second I heard about it!

Where did I hear about it?

Good old MLFC for NC. 

This group has always been there for me and I love all 7000+ ladies to death.

I am excited to finally be able to meet some fit campers in real life! 

As far as being able to run the whole thing, I prob wont be able to but I am going to TRY. 

I am starting training now. I pray I can at least not look stupid haha

I am beyond excited though!!!

This last weekend I got to go hang out with my sister and her fiance and they showed me around campus. That shits huge yo! They have all sorts of crazyyyyy chairs! 

They have these stones that you sit in that are very far apart but when you talk its like the person is standing right next to you! it was so crazy cool awesome! 

The Wolf Ears

 Got in touch with my Snookie side and tried some fried pickles for the first time.

A-MAH-ZING! 

Also had a ruben and tried a white chocolate hot chocolate

 overall great weekend!

Lately I my or may not have been a bit baby crazy. My cousin will be giving birth next month and I am beyond excited! I'm hosting her shower this weekend and I have gone all out for it lol What has caused me to write this post? I am currently watching were having a baby on TV and crying. Everyone who knows me, knows that my one and only dream is to be a mother. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE watching everyone else's littles and I adore being a step-mom even though its rare for us to get little man. Nothing compares to becoming pregnant, giving birth, and having your own flesh. Some don't realize how great they have it because they haven't had to go through what I have. Others have had it worse then me too. I guess you just couldn't ever understand if you haven't had to go through it just like you remind me constantly that I have no clue what its like to be a mom.

I fear I will always be infertile.

more like terrified.

PCOS is no joke. It can be a dream crusher. Not everyone is always lucky.

I just pray that I will be lucky.

I want nothing more then to have a baby with my husband.

I don't know what the future holds for me but I hope my dreams come true. 

 I may not be a mom but I'm the next best thing... A nanny, step-mom, aunt, cousin, & wife.

 Happy 3rd Birthday Kille Daddy & I love you to the moon and back :)

I was thinking long and hard about what it was I wanted to talk about in my first blog post of my fresh start and as I sit here I realized I just want to talk about my husband.

Lately this man has gone above and beyond what he should have to do. I have been having quite a bit of health issues lately and he has been nothing but a trooper. 

My PCOS has been acting up worse than it ever has in my whole life. I have been in extreme pain, severe bleeding & blot clots for over a month with no sign of relief. On my 2nd ER trip they gave me birth control as a temporary fix until I can get in to see my primary to be referred to a gyno/obgyn. They had me take 3 BC pills every day until the sugar pill week where I am to let it happen. Well its all back and 50x worse. I cant wait till those days are up so I can restart the birth control as normal so that I may have 3 weeks of temporary relief till I am this way again. I am going crazy. Literally ask poor Cory what he has had to endure with me. I am truly thankful for him. I know he hates seeing me like this and being virtually helpless, shit I hate it too! 

This is no picnic and if I didn't want a baby so bad I would have it all removed. I can say this tho something is not right with my body and its like I can't get a doctor to do anything. I mean yes my body is not right anyway but its not normal for my kind of normal if you know what I mean. 

Cory has really picked up the slack around the house, holds me when I'm crunched up in a ball of pain and helps me when I wake up in pools of blood crying. "pain" meds aren't working the only thing that has made a smidgen on the pain scale factor has been "pampern" and even then has barely touched it to make the pain borderline tolerable. its just been the worse time. 

Cory has really stepped up tho. I am so proud of him. I know he is stressed out with work, but he has earned his promotion. Things are starting to work out and line up for us slowly it just took a lot of hard work and time. We aren't perfect. We have had our fair shares of ups and downs but honestly at the ends of the day no matter what we end up in each others arms. Whatever may be going on disappears and everything is just right for a moment in time. I don't preach or brag about my husbands job because he is humble and being raised military the job is nothing new to me. 

It's the life I know. 

My husband is talented, knows his job well, is a Math-A-Magician, a Mr. fix it, has one hell of a killer personality, funniest person I know, can make me smile even when wanting to chew his head off, is the secretly most caring and sensitive person I have ever met, this man would literally give you the shirt off his back if I didn't stop him, an amazing dad when actually given the opportunity, he is the best cuddler in the world and lets me be the big spoon, he's 9000 degrees hotter then the average person and warms my ice cold toes and fingers in a jip, he has super smoking hot muscles with popping veins to open all the tight jars in the house, God literally invented this man just for me. 

I often think about when we get old who will pass first, and I always pray for it to be me...

I just couldn't survive without this amazing man here by my side.

Thank you baby for being such a great man, Thank you for caring for me, Thank you for loving me for who I am, the way I am, just the way I love you,  Just thank you for everything you do! 

You are greatly appreciated.