I have so many things in my head right now.. I just kinda need to get them out and vent if that's ok with y'all.
Hunny-Buns is in surgery right now getting his left foot amputated... honesty never in my life would I ever be happy about my husband losing any part of himself let alone help him make the decision. Honestly we are ecstatic and when we say things like that it really takes people aback and frightens them or we kinda get disapproving or confused looks. It's really hard t explain how much better it is for him to just do this now. It will drastically cut down heal time and he will have less pain than if he kept it when he walks. There are double amputees around the world everywhere at this point it really doesn't bother us because I know how strong my husband is inside and out. Rehab will be hard and long BUT this is the part he is most excited about. This is what he considers the easy part. no it obviously is not going to be easy. However it's better then laying in bed all day waiting to heal. He is way too impatient for all that lol
Yes, I will miss my husbands missing parts occasionally. I will miss how he would scratch me up with his TP (inside joke) toes in bed when we cuddle, I will miss seeing his combat boots, I will miss how stinky they get.
odd things I know but they are the things we take for granted and complain about.
Right now I am missing my husbands eye the most.
This is the hardest part of all for BOTH of us.
He will never be the same again and I have no time to morn that loss.
The color from his eyes are gone.
I don't know if that's something that will ever come back. (Something I need to ask the eye doc)
I loved his eyes so much. They were such a beautiful amber color.
I am afraid he wont get his sight back.
That scares us both the most.
Were not asking for much, honestly just enough to be able to do things with the left one.
Please keep praying for his eyes.
I know that no matter what though we will make things work.
Things no one tells you about...
is the amount of people you will HAVE to deal with whether you feel like it or not.
We have Doctors come in for different things at all hours of the day.
There are at least 5 different teams of doctors.
We have nurses come in every hour.
Then you have the military personnel we have to deal with as well.
That's at least 2-6 more people a day.
Which is all great and what not and they mean well and are doing there jobs and all.
BUT...
It is so tiring for BOTH of us.
On top of all of those people, I get a MILLION (exaggerating) phone calls daily.
some I write down to call back and others I save the message.
All these people expect me to remember them, their names, and to be accountable.
I JUST CAN'T.
Simple as that. I can not keep up with the amount of people we deal with.
My one and only priority is my husband.
If you NEED something. Find a way to get it from someone else.
The only thing I can help with is if I look through the umpteen hundred business cards that various people have given to me.
Don't talk to me in Military talk and expect me to understand.
My husband is in the Army not me.
TDY, MMA, blah blah blah break it down for me.
I still don't know nor understand who is suppose to be dealing with what or why.
We need a personal assistant to keep up with all the crap we are trying to keep up with.
To say I am overwhelmed is an overstatement.
So rather I just ignore it all and focus solely on my husband. If the Army needs something bad enough they will nag me for it or find it else where.
I am worried about the future. I have heard so many VA horror stories.
I am worried they will make us PCS here, which is dumb bc all our stuff is back in NC.
All his gear is in NC. The house we OWN is in NC. Our dogs are in NC.
You would think they would make it easy on us and let him go home to turn in all his stuff and check out.
However his new nurse case manager made it sound like he would have to go get his things and bring them here but that's dumb to me and I will fight for what we want.
She also told me I wouldn't be able to stay with him at the polytrauma center which is a load of BS. Just TRY to keep me away and see what happens. I DARE you.
To say I am tired is a understatement.
To say I miss home is an understatement.
(by home I mean our dogs, our family, our friends, and our house)
People keep saying I need to take care of myself...
They mean well but have you ever been in my shoes???
There is no time for me.
He needs me 24/7.
I consider my me time when I go take a shower these days.
If I sleep away from him its only slightly more restful because I startle myself awake thinking he needs me.
I can't sleep when I am here because he needs me.
I cant sleep when he sleeps because I'm afraid I wont hear him call me when he needs me.
It's a catch 22.
Last night though was the most sleep we both got though!
The amazing night nurse bundled his meds together at 10pm and didn't come back till 4am with his next set.
We got a blissful 5 hours sleep then another 2 hour spurt.
I FEEL AMAZING LOL
I got to sleep next to him and we both finally slept for the first time!
like realish rested sleep.
I am also having to deal with some other stuff I won't talk about publicly.
Just know my plate is more then enough full.
I honestly feel like no one knows what I am going through.
What Cory is going through.
People only see so much but they don't know the half of it.
People assume so many things.
Half of which are not true.
I am mad at the Army for not finding out what is wrong. We were told we would be notified when the investigation was over of there findings. I hear its over but have they said anything to us?
No... I want answers.
I feel like they are hiding things.
Sweeping it under the rug.
and
trying to pin it on the guys who where there.
Hell will freeze over before I let that happen.
I have been the perfect little obedient Army wife so far.
Do not piss me off.
I will go to the media and fill them in.
TRY ME.
I want the truth and I will get the truth.
My husbands life has changed forever, following the rules of the Army.
Something needs to be changed dealing with the M777.
This is NOT the first accident nor the last.
This needs to stop.
I am trying my hardest not to name names, but I do not enjoy being lied to my face.
Nor how you treated my mother in law.
She is immediate family, she pushed her son out of her womb!
I think that's immediate enough don't you?
I am going to stop now because I am getting too heated.
Anyways...
I can' wait till we move over to the polytrauma center!
Once he learns his ADLS (Active Daily Living Skills) we then get to move to family barracks and do out patient rehab at the CFI (Center For Intrepid)! It will feel like were getting back to normal then.
I'm so excited!
Then however long it takes from there depends on hunny-buns!
People seemed to be amazed with me...
I can't fathom why though.
I mean honestly to me its just legs.
in the end its just eyes too.
He is Alive and talking to me.
He is himself.
That's what I am about.
That's all I ask for.
I am thankful.
The end.
Thanks for allowing me to vent.
God Bless Ya'll
<3